Back to Dorm Life

its funny how we come full circle. I seem to start my new life chapters the same as the last. Makes me wonder if its really new or not. I’m liking my roommates here in Berkeley but I find my self dreaming of a place on my own. Just like in the dorms there are always issues when you have multiple people living together. Food gets eaten, things get moved, some one speaks up a little quicker or a little louder for that last pice of chicken or that free pice of furniture.

I can’t help but note the similarities I’m feeling to my first year in school. The differences between now and then is I’m a lot more confident, I’m not taking these little things as seriously as I did back when I was 17. I’ve been taking things in stride and picking and choosing my battles a little better.

So far I’m doing well and no war fair yet. I am starting to stress a little more about the job situation or the lack there of. I’m going to go regular job hunting tomorrow. I’m not really looking forward to it. But I’m looking at it as just another leg of the adventure. I’ve decided to look for a part time or full-time job doing something that I haven’t done yet. Something I’ve always wanted to do but felt it was too late for me in life to try it. Like working in a movie theater or a book shop. I’m hoping to get up early tomorrow and hit downtown berkeley and see what I can get into. Wish me luck.

I’m trying to stay positive and I’m trying to keep my cool. I’ve done a much better job than I did when I was younger. I’m proud of that fact. I am feeling older than I did a few months ago. It doesn’t scar me or freak me out. I’m actually liking it. I keep telling my self that this too shall pass and this time next year I can fondly look back at this time in my life and say to my self “see I told you it wasn’t anything to worry about”. Yes I talk to my self and sometimes the conversation is much better than with other people.

I’m happy to report that I’m getting over that feeling of being rude when I don’t talk to strangers, say hello when spoken to or acknowledge people when walking down the street. I find that whenever I oblige a guy and talk to him on the street, 9 times out of 10 they take it as an in and think I’m going to go home with them, go out with them, or spend any further time with them out side of the block that’s left before the BART station. Its so infuriating to have a guy slip into a conversation the big question… “So you seeing anybody” into the middle of a normal conversation. Its none of your business and if I liked you like that you would know. Why can’t I have a normal conversation with the opposite sex?

I wonder if that BS actually works at all for them. They cling to this failed system of picking up women. At least it fails with me, I guess some were there is a girl out there with just low enough self esteem to fall for this shit. And that one girl gives assholes like this the flawed hope that this method may just work after all… once its applied to a billion situations. Why do women have to be harassed when there just walking down the street?

Yesterday I was walking around San Pablo and I hear this beautiful music. I stop to listen and to record a snippet of it. This guy on a bike stops and asks me what’s going on. I tell him I wasn’t sure then went back to listening. He turns around a few more times asking me some asinine questions then admits that he only wanted to see my smile again. Its sweet but fuck off… seriously!!! He kept asking me what I was doing there and I kept telling him listening. Then finally after I said look I’m just listening is there a crime in what I’m doing? He finally made the confession of wanting another smile. That’s great but seriously I’m not interested and if I was I would have more willingly talked to you more and would have not just go back to ignoring you after the first question.

Throwing a compliment out after irritating me to a point were I want to throw a punch kind of deflates the complement and it gets lost in the irritation. I saw him a few blocks up later and he started yelling out to me as I crossed the street. Ya you totally didn’t’ pick up the blatant hints before pal and now your really being classy. Oh stop I’m so hot for you. FUCK OFF!!

So if you know me and you see me walking down the street looking pissed off. Just know that its just douche bag and vagabond repellant. I’ll most likely warm up once I see you and you’ll get a big smile. And it really is back to freshman year. lol