Well its been a long and winding journey out here in California. I could do a blow by blow of what has happened in the last 6 months of my life but I find that dull.
This winter has been a hard one. I’ve been experiencing the full spectrum of human emotion coupled with the unyielding need for hibernation. Its been difficult but with rejuvenating spring comes change. I can now speak from personal experience that the first year out here in the wild west is hard. This is truly a unique life experience that nothing can totally prepare you for. I may not have come out here the best, but I’m glad I took that leap of faith. I felt like my soul was deying were I was. I’m glad I don’t have to live with the “what if” or regret of missing an opportunity. Keeping that promise to my self coupled with the good experiences I’ve had out here have renewed the pieces of my soul I lost years ago. I’ve learned a lot of life lessons, experienced highs and lows, as well as had my own metal tested again and again. But I know with out a doubt I’m going to come out on the other side of this standing.
I’m also declaring here and now that come my first year anniversary, July 15th, I am officially finished with my first year out here and I have earned the right to call my self Californian. I will be buying the T-shirt and will wear it with pride. This experience has changed me and continues to change me and I ‘m grateful for the change. I look at the trials and tribulation I’ve faced out here as a way of sheding my old skin so that I can be reborn a Californian. I think it works a lot like the military, tear your recruit down and build them back up a new and stronger person.
I’ve been working a retail job in the city while I apply for design jobs and go on interviews. I started out working two but after a month or so of that regrouped, weighed my options, and chose to stick with one while cutting loose the other. I’ve survived the winter and a holiday season of retail in one of the largest stores in a company that is national and now international. This experience gave new meaning to the term “retail hell” but I got threw it. I’m now in awe of my time in that store and help by a transfer to a smaller store that’s closer to were I currently live.
I’m still in Berkeley at the same apartment I landed in after my birthday last year. My own personal space has been reallocated every few months and I’m still living out of a suitcase after all this time. This has been interesting to say the least since before this I had lived by my self for 5 years. Loralie has slowly but surely adapted to our situation. She has made friends with a younger female cat. I’m so proud of her. It did take several months for her to forgive me for the plain ride out here, I didn’t think I would ever live that one down. She is ever amazing and my one constant threw all of this.
For a long time I was completely unhappy with my living situation. But recently I have found a since of peace and have made friends with my fellow occupants. Threw my friendships with them I have found an in site that has helped me come closer to my inner peace. I know now that it would have taken longer to find if I still lived on my own. I feel like I am watching the camera lens slowly start to come into focus. This has helped me start to settle down and relax into my new life in California. Its far from perfect and I still have a ways to go to make it comfortable but its mine and I find comfort in that.
Theirs an example I heard when I was younger that I realize now I’ve been living my life by. Most sailors drown with in site of the life boat. They swim for there lives for hours or days but the second they see the boat they relax and stop swimming and they drown. The sailors that keep swimming till there in the boat are the survivors. I find that I’ve kept swimming even after reaching dry land. This was probably necessary before, in fact I have no doubt that this mentality has helped me get were I am today, but its not that necessary now. I used that feeling to get me to the west coast but now I have to re- purpose it for keeping me here.
I know the plan I came here with and I’m glad its in flux and ran off course. There is no set time line that things have to be done by. I’m working towards letting go more and going with the natural flow of things. Looking back on my life pre-California I can see all the experiences that have helped prepare me for this point in my life. I know I’m getting all retrospective but all of this has opened my eyes a little wider to the wonder of the inner workings of life. Hindsight is truly 20 20. And if you keep your eyes open to past experiences you can start to see things coming a few miles up the road.
