Friends

Things I do with my friends. When I hang out with them around town, go on road trips, just spend time with them.

Life is Life

August 25, 2009 in Friends, Loralie, Travel/ Adventure | No comments

Life on the west coast is good. The general running them is good. I may not have a job or a permanent  home but things are still looking up. I have my bad moments but not that many bad days.

I miss my friends on the east coast and I get lonely from time to time but its nothing i can’t handle. I’m alive, I’m on the west coast, and I know I’m going to make it out here. I’ve been applying for jobs around town and on line. Its just a matter of time before someone gives me a chance. Miss Loralie is doing well though I think once we find our own permanent place to set roots down for a little while she’ll be happier. Living with 4 guys takes its toile especially when they haven’t cleaned in god knows how long. But I do enjoy my roommates company and there perspectives on life. Next week we’ll have another girl in the house so we’ll see how it goes.

I’m going to volunteer at the Sausalito Art Festival this weekend and a wonderful friend from the east coast is coming into town. I’m hoping I can figure out how to hang out with her and work for free at the same time. This art festival sounds like fun and I’ve been looking forward to it for some time now.

I’m just trying to live life more so than I have in the last 9 years. I was walking down the street the other day just taking in my surroundings and realized I had not gotten a chance to do that in so long. When I was on the east coast and had to have a car to get around every were I remember feeling so rushed all the time. Its rush to get from point A to point B. You can rest when you get to point B. I remember driving around Raleigh wanted to get to know the place but feeling like I couldn’t because I’d start to veer off the road if I stared at anything interesting for too long. Or traffic would get backed up behind me… and I hated it when people backed traffic up so I tried not to ever do that.

Now that I can take the bus, BART, or walk I feel like I’m getting a chance to familiarize my self with California. Not having a job has helped me out a lot. I don’t feel like I’m in a rush all the time. I feel like I can enjoy walking down the street or just ride a bus or the train. Its like a snow ball affect, when I had a car I always felt like I had to get some were or bee somewhere. When I wasn’t I couldn’t enjoy my peace because I was wondering were I could go or what I could get into instead of sit here.

Of course when your driving a car you have to stay alert and stay focused on the road, the other cars, were your going, is that something that’s jumping out really jumping out or just a bag floating in the wind. So stressful. And the faster you go the more alert and the more focused you have to be. I’m feeling tense just thinking about it.

I like driving and being in control of were I’m going but I don’t at the same time. I don’t like car tax, gas, insurance, parking, OMG is my car stolen or was it towed?? I like the in between time of just driving. But once I get to my destination its almost like I’d rather the car just disappear around me and come back when its time to get to the new point B. Owning a car is stressful and expensive… I just remembered another thing I don’t like about cars… maintenance and up keep. Its a necessary evil and an expansive one at that.

I like the freedom of the open road but sometimes it doesn’t feel so free especially when your stuck in traffic. Or its a billion degrees out side and you have no AC and your literally puddling at every single light. Or you have to spend your very last dime on gas so that you can get to work the next day.

So far the public transportation thing seems to be the better route for me. I can relax because I feel like I’m still on the move and going places but I’m able to just zone out or watch the world whizz past me, people watch, read, play a game on my phone, or take pictures. I like being able to relax and take the world in on a bus or while I’m walking.

I haven’t had a real vacation in 9 years this has been the best vacation. I’m glad I could take some time off to relax and refocus my self. I could tell I was getting bitter about the whole work thing. I can relax and just be for now. And I can enjoy time with friends, Loralie, and by my self a lot more with out that looming since of “What am I supposed to be doing now?” Currently the answer to that is nothing and it makes me happy.

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Back to Dorm Life

August 21, 2009 in Friends, Travel/ Adventure | No comments

its funny how we come full circle. I seem to start my new life chapters the same as the last. Makes me wonder if its really new or not. I’m liking my roommates here in Berkeley but I find my self dreaming of a place on my own. Just like in the dorms there are always issues when you have multiple people living together. Food gets eaten, things get moved, some one speaks up a little quicker or a little louder for that last pice of chicken or that free pice of furniture.

I can’t help but note the similarities I’m feeling to my first year in school. The differences between now and then is I’m a lot more confident, I’m not taking these little things as seriously as I did back when I was 17. I’ve been taking things in stride and picking and choosing my battles a little better.

So far I’m doing well and no war fair yet. I am starting to stress a little more about the job situation or the lack there of. I’m going to go regular job hunting tomorrow. I’m not really looking forward to it. But I’m looking at it as just another leg of the adventure. I’ve decided to look for a part time or full-time job doing something that I haven’t done yet. Something I’ve always wanted to do but felt it was too late for me in life to try it. Like working in a movie theater or a book shop. I’m hoping to get up early tomorrow and hit downtown berkeley and see what I can get into. Wish me luck.

I’m trying to stay positive and I’m trying to keep my cool. I’ve done a much better job than I did when I was younger. I’m proud of that fact. I am feeling older than I did a few months ago. It doesn’t scar me or freak me out. I’m actually liking it. I keep telling my self that this too shall pass and this time next year I can fondly look back at this time in my life and say to my self “see I told you it wasn’t anything to worry about”. Yes I talk to my self and sometimes the conversation is much better than with other people.

I’m happy to report that I’m getting over that feeling of being rude when I don’t talk to strangers, say hello when spoken to or acknowledge people when walking down the street. I find that whenever I oblige a guy and talk to him on the street, 9 times out of 10 they take it as an in and think I’m going to go home with them, go out with them, or spend any further time with them out side of the block that’s left before the BART station. Its so infuriating to have a guy slip into a conversation the big question… “So you seeing anybody” into the middle of a normal conversation. Its none of your business and if I liked you like that you would know. Why can’t I have a normal conversation with the opposite sex?

I wonder if that BS actually works at all for them. They cling to this failed system of picking up women. At least it fails with me, I guess some were there is a girl out there with just low enough self esteem to fall for this shit. And that one girl gives assholes like this the flawed hope that this method may just work after all… once its applied to a billion situations. Why do women have to be harassed when there just walking down the street?

Yesterday I was walking around San Pablo and I hear this beautiful music. I stop to listen and to record a snippet of it. This guy on a bike stops and asks me what’s going on. I tell him I wasn’t sure then went back to listening. He turns around a few more times asking me some asinine questions then admits that he only wanted to see my smile again. Its sweet but fuck off… seriously!!! He kept asking me what I was doing there and I kept telling him listening. Then finally after I said look I’m just listening is there a crime in what I’m doing? He finally made the confession of wanting another smile. That’s great but seriously I’m not interested and if I was I would have more willingly talked to you more and would have not just go back to ignoring you after the first question.

Throwing a compliment out after irritating me to a point were I want to throw a punch kind of deflates the complement and it gets lost in the irritation. I saw him a few blocks up later and he started yelling out to me as I crossed the street. Ya you totally didn’t’ pick up the blatant hints before pal and now your really being classy. Oh stop I’m so hot for you. FUCK OFF!!

So if you know me and you see me walking down the street looking pissed off. Just know that its just douche bag and vagabond repellant. I’ll most likely warm up once I see you and you’ll get a big smile. And it really is back to freshman year. lol

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