Loralie

Life on the west coast is good. The general running them is good. I may not have a job or a permanent  home but things are still looking up. I have my bad moments but not that many bad days.

I miss my friends on the east coast and I get lonely from time to time but its nothing i can’t handle. I’m alive, I’m on the west coast, and I know I’m going to make it out here. I’ve been applying for jobs around town and on line. Its just a matter of time before someone gives me a chance. Miss Loralie is doing well though I think once we find our own permanent place to set roots down for a little while she’ll be happier. Living with 4 guys takes its toile especially when they haven’t cleaned in god knows how long. But I do enjoy my roommates company and there perspectives on life. Next week we’ll have another girl in the house so we’ll see how it goes.

I’m going to volunteer at the Sausalito Art Festival this weekend and a wonderful friend from the east coast is coming into town. I’m hoping I can figure out how to hang out with her and work for free at the same time. This art festival sounds like fun and I’ve been looking forward to it for some time now.

I’m just trying to live life more so than I have in the last 9 years. I was walking down the street the other day just taking in my surroundings and realized I had not gotten a chance to do that in so long. When I was on the east coast and had to have a car to get around every were I remember feeling so rushed all the time. Its rush to get from point A to point B. You can rest when you get to point B. I remember driving around Raleigh wanted to get to know the place but feeling like I couldn’t because I’d start to veer off the road if I stared at anything interesting for too long. Or traffic would get backed up behind me… and I hated it when people backed traffic up so I tried not to ever do that.

Now that I can take the bus, BART, or walk I feel like I’m getting a chance to familiarize my self with California. Not having a job has helped me out a lot. I don’t feel like I’m in a rush all the time. I feel like I can enjoy walking down the street or just ride a bus or the train. Its like a snow ball affect, when I had a car I always felt like I had to get some were or bee somewhere. When I wasn’t I couldn’t enjoy my peace because I was wondering were I could go or what I could get into instead of sit here.

Of course when your driving a car you have to stay alert and stay focused on the road, the other cars, were your going, is that something that’s jumping out really jumping out or just a bag floating in the wind. So stressful. And the faster you go the more alert and the more focused you have to be. I’m feeling tense just thinking about it.

I like driving and being in control of were I’m going but I don’t at the same time. I don’t like car tax, gas, insurance, parking, OMG is my car stolen or was it towed?? I like the in between time of just driving. But once I get to my destination its almost like I’d rather the car just disappear around me and come back when its time to get to the new point B. Owning a car is stressful and expensive… I just remembered another thing I don’t like about cars… maintenance and up keep. Its a necessary evil and an expansive one at that.

I like the freedom of the open road but sometimes it doesn’t feel so free especially when your stuck in traffic. Or its a billion degrees out side and you have no AC and your literally puddling at every single light. Or you have to spend your very last dime on gas so that you can get to work the next day.

So far the public transportation thing seems to be the better route for me. I can relax because I feel like I’m still on the move and going places but I’m able to just zone out or watch the world whizz past me, people watch, read, play a game on my phone, or take pictures. I like being able to relax and take the world in on a bus or while I’m walking.

I haven’t had a real vacation in 9 years this has been the best vacation. I’m glad I could take some time off to relax and refocus my self. I could tell I was getting bitter about the whole work thing. I can relax and just be for now. And I can enjoy time with friends, Loralie, and by my self a lot more with out that looming since of “What am I supposed to be doing now?” Currently the answer to that is nothing and it makes me happy.

So I finally have a more permanent place to stay. I’m subleasing an apartment for a month 1/2 from a super awesome individual. Jacob had been so helpful and has helped me get back to my happy place. Its amazing how quickly I can get stressed out over little things like not having a place to call my own. I’ve been nomadic for a year now. After the apartment I rented in Durham, NC last summer turned out to be a moldy slum I had to move after being there for only 7 weeks. That nightmare still rages on but hopefully with the help of my lawyer it will be over soon.

I have been bouncing between my Raleigh and Durham Family until I moved out here July 15th. I’ve been living out of my luggage since I landed. I’ve stayed in 5 different locations for different amounts of time. This most recent place I can finally unpack and settle in for a little longer than a few weeks. I’m subletting a room on Adeline St. and every-time I think the name the Elliot Smith song starts playing in my head.  But its usually the Climatic chorus thats stuck on loop.

There have been some wonderful highs and a few disappointing lows but its all part of the adventure. I don’t think there is enough money in the world that could be paid to have me go back to the life I left. The more time I spend away from my last job the more toxic of a situation I realize it was for me. My advice for all of you that are not happy with your job and feel trapped. You are only as trapped as you make your self feel. And trust me it is better to be out of that situation than to stay in it.

Life is way too short for us to be wasting it depressed and miserable. This is the advice I have for just about any troubling situation I come across. We need to learn to stop sweating the insignificant or the things that are not our business that we take upon our selves to worry about.

I appreciate everyone that has lended me a helping hand. Depending on others is not a very comfortable spot for me. Its a sea of emotional turmoil and I try to avoid it at all cost. But I had no choice when things went sour at the beginning of this adventure and I’ve tried to make the best of it and accepted help. I know it wasn’t the most pleasant situation at times but I’m grateful for the help and glad that it is coming to an end.

I have applied for jobs and I will continue to do so until I have a first day somewhere. I have a few interviews already lined up after putting my job hunt in full swing this week.

My new roommates seem very nice. I’m living in a three bedroom apartment that shares a kitchen and bathroom with a 1/2 apartment (A.K.A. the attic). There’s 5 of us in all. My “landlord” Jacob has been so nice. He took Loralie in a few days early when the person watching her decided it was to much for them to handle. Jacob shares his life with a very charismatic, scrappy, poodle mix named Cape. He is absolutely one of the coolest little dogs I’ve met. And acclimating Loralie and him has been surpassingly easy.

Jacob has also let me move in a few days earlier than he advertised the room. He has stepped up his plans of going back east to give me a place to settle and collect me self. He is an amazing person and we have become fast friends.

This is were my contemplation on the question “Why is it that some strangers are more willing to help than your friends sometimes.” What ever the reason I am grateful for his hospitality. Loralie is warming to him and the rest of the roommates. She sticks to what is now her room and is super happy that I moved in finally last night. She slept on top of me all night and wanted to cuddle the second I got up this morning. She’s cat napping happily on the bed right now.

All is well in California and the little misses is content.